Insurmountable wall
A Moment Of Reflection
by Lilia M. Fiallo
The holiday afternoons of my father’s hand kept me delighted watching the fish and the pure and crystal clear water that ran through the stream that passed by my grandparents farm, everything is in memory as if it were yesterday, like his love, his nobility and the nights when we fell asleep on the sofa listening to the beautiful stories that my mother or he read to us and ended saying: “they were happy and ate partridges”.
So many memories of my childhood will last forever: “says Martha” we never went to bed without eating, his teaching made us grow spiritually and although we went through difficult times, we went ahead and like all human beings, each of my parents had their characters, but, what do I know, if I did not live with them is childhood? I´m not to judge them. I built an insurmountable wall in my mind and when I want I bring to my memory all the beautiful things that we live as a family.
I on the other hand, says José I enjoyed very little the presence of my father. He died when I was ten years old and his absence marked my life to a large extent, but I got over it when I stop at the memories of the moments we share as a family; for being so small, I did not have the opportunities that my older brothers had, his death took us by surprise. My mom was static, and to top it off, her fragile character was for my brothers a constant stumble who took advantage of her weakness until her death. They did not have the capacity to understand her, to love her and to value her. She was tried, sentenced and punished without reason. We all knew that her childhood who harder than my uncle’s, among other things, because my grandmother did not love her. My mother was tall, a golden spike, her beauty and elegance as well as her pure white soul made her unique. “I also took advantage of her love for being the youngest, how much I regret it, but, for what? Exclaims José. Why do we judge without having the right? Only God knows how much she suffered”.
For my brothers and for me, “say Juan”, we had a childhood with all the comforts; now that I am a father I still remember his faults, because parents are still parents and although their children are adults they did not ask to come to his world.
Why do not, you build starting today, (says Bob, the group’s panelist) an insurmountable wall, as Martha says? So that the past does not torment you, because you did not know, nor lived the childhood of your parents, it is a matter of reasoning and analyzing, he says. Juan was thinking, maybe reflecting, he accepted the truth and he did not say anything else.
My sister and I do not recognized what my father faced with his divorce and the task of obtaining parental authority for Kelly and me, we always enjoy his love, his affection and his tenderness, “Julia says”. He married again a good woman and I have two more sisters for that reason. Everything I’ve had in the life an maybe that’s the reason why I valued late my father’s unconditional love, who is no longer, nor will he be the same with me for the damage I did to him. I would like to reunite the family.
Luisa says vehemently: “Kelly judges my father because according to her she is right in everything she says when she remembers the past”. What she is interested in is pretending, social position and money, far from helping him economically or calling him on the phone, much less to visit him.
Eugenia uses her strategy to cover her perfection. Since she got married, we all became simply acquaintances or friends of the occasion. When she invites us to her house, she serves us in the living room, or long before our arrival she calls us to have coffee nearby. In her soul there is resentment, she does not talk to my father, while materially she seems the best. She likes everything brand and every year she changes all the lingerie in her house, say Luisa.
Kelly says, if someone delves in to the heart of each one, the only one who is really attentive to my father since he was widowed, is Luisa, although she judges him mercilessly, humiliates him and how many time she can, she brings to his memory silly mistakes of past, well, me too.
Julia, Kelly, Eugenia and Luisa, are sisters, married, have children, and financially established. They just do not know God, they do not know how to performance their role and they are the other group participants, who have spoken interrupting the conference since it began three hours ago and I think it ends at any time. Without the rest being able to participate, say Jose.
When there were ten minutes left until 5 o’clock Bob spoke harshly and here is a part of the end: “I have not met with infants, I think we are all adults enough to be here. I watched in amazement at the immaturity of some and the poise of other. I am surprised that many of you ignore honoring father and mother, one of the commandments of the law of God. Who are we to judge our parents?
What can we give our children if we do not know how to value our parents and what God has given us? I still do not believe the rawness and coldness with which some people area able to treat their parents. There is so much arrogance and human poverty in their hearts. Ask God to give you humility and simplicity to move forward, because many of you do not know how to love nor value the effort of your parents to give you the best. Do not expect good fruits from children, even more if you please them in everything and do not watch their steps.
I want an impassable wall made with love, humility and simplicity in their hearts. I want that from this moment on you leave behind the past and start to build the insurmountable wall that you need. The past is gone, the future is uncertain and what counts is the present. Let’s worry about ourselves and to solve our weaknesses so that our children tomorrow do not disrespect us, educate ourselves and educate them. “Let’s do the chore well”.
Thus ended an endless afternoon, says Jose when leaving…
Lilia M. Fiallo was born in Bogotá, Colombia, where, between tasks and free time, she found a place to write about subjects, somehow forgotten by others. With gold letters engraved in her memory, she began her working life, in the heart of the technical part, of the air traffic control of her native country. In the midst of aeronautical phraseology and codes, the world of aviation gave her one of the highest experiences, because of the precision required by this craft, where a single mistake could cost many lives. It is there, where in her concern to communicate her ideas, she begins to write with dedication, themes a little relegated by society, the Church and the State. Discovering a truth that nobody wants to talk about, but much more real and everyday, than it seems. It is thus, as it appears, her first work, “Parir por palir”.
You can find her book at www.laovejitabooks.com/autora-lilia-m-fiallo/