Only America

To help you pass your current-event quizzes, I have compiled some of the top news stories about the goings-on of Donald Trump (The Donald), Jeb Bush (The Jeb) and Jorge Ramos (The Jorge).

The summer of 2015 was the Summer of Trump, according to a Sept. 17 article in USA Today by analyst Susan Page, and a Sept. 21 article in New York magazine by Frank Rich. It was the most memorable summer in the United States since the summer of 1967, widely known as the Summer of Love. But The Donald’s critics such as Ramos appear to conceptualize the Summer of Trump instead as the Summer of Hate, claiming that the real-estate-mogul-turned-reality-TV-star is directing hate against women and immigrants.

Besides Ramos, there are examples galore: in an Aug. 9 piece in Fortune magazine, Nina Easton calls the billionaire businessman “misogynistic”; in a Sept. 16 story in The New Republic magazine, Rebecca Leber calls him “sexist”; in a Sept. 23 op-ed in The New York Times, Thomas Edsall calls him “xenophobic”; in a Sept. 23 column in Bloomberg News, Francis Wilkinson calls him “nativistic;” in the aforementioned New York article, Rich calls him quasi-“crypto-fascist.”

Nevertheless, even critics such as Edsall write about Hurricane Trump, a force more devastating than Hurricane Katrina. So far, the powerful rotating storm system has claimed two casualties out of the original packed field of 17 candidates vying to be the Republican standard-bearer in next year’s presidential elections: former Gov. Rick Perry of Texas and Gov. Scott Walker of Wisconsin, who quit the race on Sept. 11 and 21, respectively. Both governors were swept away like dust by the unprecedented category-6 major hurricane, without a whimper from Bush, Marco Rubio, Ted Cruz and the rest of the whittled-down candidacy slate, busy suffocating as the real-estate magnate is sucking up all the oxygen out of the media and public environment. Not all of the potential victims of the tycoon had rolled over as there has been significant pushback both from grassroots organizations and TV personalities.

The League of United Latin American Citizens, a civil rights group, has been at the forefront of this struggle, first chanting “Trump no! Race yes!” on July 23 at a protest against the real-estate titan after his $100 million Boeing 757-200 jet landed at the Laredo airport in Texas, and, secondly, on Sept. 14, leading hundreds of demonstrators in the Dump Trump counter-rally against the developer’s campaign rally. These two conflicting events, in Dallas, culminated in a brawl between the impresario’s supporters and opponents. 

In between both protests, on Aug. 26, the whole nation suffered an electroshock stemming from the clash of two 800-megawatt celebrities. In one corner of the ring was presidential contender The Donald, 69, and, in the other corner was Univision’s anchor The Jorge, 57. Ramos is a Mexican-born journalist who has graced the cover of Time magazine’s World’s Most Influential People issue and also has received eight Emmy Awards. At the bout, the Republican front runner didn’t tell progressive immigration-reform advocate Ramos, “Go back to Mexico,” but he did tell him, “Go back to Univision,” and had him wrestled away from a news conference held in Dubuque, Iowa.

Next, The Donald tackled The Jeb, 62. In an interview with Breitbart News on Sept. 2, the entrepreneur condemned former Gov. Bush of Florida for speaking Spanish. “I like Jeb,” Trump said. “He’s a nice man. But he should really set the example by speaking Spanish while in the United States.” At this point, it’s uncertain whether The Donald is hinting toward passing a constitutional amendment establishing an English Only America. It could be hypothesize that if an extreme version of this amendment were to pass, states would have to change their name: California (contraction of Calido Forno) would become Warm Owen; Nevada would become Snow Covered; Arizona (contraction of Arida Zona) would become Arid Zone; Colorado would become Colored; Montana would become Mountain; Florida would become Flowery. Cities could follow suit: In California, San Francisco would be Saint Francis; Palo Alto would be Tall Stick; in Texas, San Antonio would be Saint Anthony; El Paso would be The Pass. Incidentally, the real-state behemoth owns the exclusive Mar-a-Lago Club in Palm Beach, Fla., which would be turned into the Sea-to-Lake Club, and the Trump Hotel Las Vegas, Nevada, which would be turned into the Trump Hotel The Meadows.

Individuals of Latino ancestry could also be targeted: Senator Ted Cruz would be renamed Ted Cross; Senator Marco Rubio would be renamed Mark Blond; newsman Jorge Ramos would be renamed George Bouquets.

About the author: Miguel Balbuena is a writer in the academic, scientific, journalistic and literary fields (in the fiction and non-fiction genres).

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