Use Emotional Intelligence to Establish Boundaries in Your Relationships
by Tyrone Dixon
Copyright © November 2017 All rights reserved.
Boundaries reflect how we love ourselves and what we value. Knowing when you want to say yes to something, when you want to say no to someone, self-respect, and knowing when your own needs start and end are the basics of setting boundaries in our relationships. Most us have trouble with establishing boundaries in our relationships because it is not something we discuss in our society as often as we should. When was the last time you sat down with someone who you are in a relationship with and set boundaries? Recently I spoke with a married couple and the woman explained that there are times where she is not in the mood for sexual intercourse with her spouse, but since he is her husband she feels obligated to please him. That is a perfect example of not having established healthy boundaries in a relationship.
While I agree with the fact that a wife should look to please her husband, and vice versa, when pleasing someone comes at the expense of your very own agony it is not worth it. Because we are not having conversations that center around boundaries and self-love we put ourselves in positions where we compromise our boundaries to please others. In most cases our boundaries are at extremes, either we are hyper vigilant about our needs and wants to the point we are not taking other people’s needs into consideration or we are dormant about our own needs and wants, allowing other’s to assert themselves while we “go along with it.”
Examples of someone with hyper-vigilant boundaries in a relationship would be the man/woman who knows that no matter how many times their significant other says “if you continue to do… I am going to leave/break up with/file for divorce”; they know that person is not going to follow through on those words with action. Another example of a person with hyper-vigilant boundaries would be that person who is always “my way or the highway” uncompromising, and uninterested in trying to do things anyone else’s way. Dormant boundaries in a relationship could be nonexistent, shaky, and/or inconsistent. The individual with dormant boundaries has usually experienced a history of disappointment in his/her relationships, struggles with establishing connections, has trust issues, and is in a relationship for FEAR of being alone.
I invite you, the reader to start setting boundaries in your relationships going forward. If you struggle with setting boundaries in your relationships and are constantly feeling taken advantage of, start by spending time getting to know yourself. What do you like? What don’t you like? What are you willing to tolerate? Where do you draw the line?
Peace and love
Tyrone Dixon works as a Certified Professional Coach in the Syracuse Community through his business ArozeThrough Concrete Coaching. He was born and raised on the South and West Sides of Syracuse. He has a Bachelor’s Degree in Business Administration from SUNY Buffalo. It is his pleasure to be a “writing contributor” for CNY Latino, and write about the topic of Emotional Intelligence (EI). He loves the City of Syracuse and believes that exposure to Emotional Intelligence can help change the direction of the individuals living in some of our “high poverty” areas. Can you imagine how much better our city would be if people were taught how to manage their feelings without hurting someone? Or if we could teach people to be proactive in identifying situations they are not comfortable in?.