Emotional Intelligence for Men

Eight Emotionally Intelligent things Men can do Immediately to End Abuse
by Tyrone Dixon

Copyright © February 2018 / All rights reserved.

Recently, I had the pleasure of attending a Workshop with some extremely intelligent gentlemen. The workshop centered on what we as men can do to help end domestic and sexual violence, as well as address the issue of “toxic masculinity.”

At the end of the workshop each of us made a commitment, my commitment was to advocate on behalf of both men and women and not sit back and watch abuse take place rather physical, emotional, or verbal.

As a first step in the keeping my commitment, I present the following 8 tips, adapted from Author, Educator Jackson Katz’s 10 Things Men Can Do To Prevent Gender Violence:

1. Understand that this is not only a women’s issue! We as men can be advocates by speaking up, and confronting abusive peers. 90% of domestic and sexual violence is committed by men; chances are you know/have hung out with someone who was physically or verbally abusive. Speak up!

2. If you associate with individuals (friends, brother, coworker, etc.) who are disrespectful or abusive to females, don’t remain silent. Stop the abuse, and then recommend they seek professional help with dealing with unaddressed trauma in their lives.

3. Have the self-awareness to look at the way you live your life. Question your beliefs and attitudes towards women, without becoming defensive. How might the way we live inadvertently perpetuate sexism and violence? When you are able to take an introspective look at yourself, you can begin to change bad habits.

4. If you suspect someone you know is being abused or has been sexually assaulted, kindly ask them if there is any way you could help. Please don’t become aggressive/threaten to assault the perpetrator, this is not the support the person close to you needs in the moment.

5. If you are emotionally, psychologically, physically, or sexually abusive to women, or have been in the past. I invite you to seek professional help because you may have suppressed trauma that is preventing you from being your true self.

6. Be an ally to women who are working to end all forms of gender violence. Attend rallies and other public events to show your support. On March 23rd, 2018 Vera House Incorporated will be holding its “24th Annual White Ribbon Campaign” to raise awareness about domestic and sexual violence, this would be a great way to get involved and become an ally.

7. Educate yourself and those around you by attending programs, watching videos online, and reading articles about causes of gender violence. Understand that larger social forces affect the conflicts between men and women.

8. Mentor the next generation of young men about how to be a man in ways that don’t involve degrading or abusing women.

Peace and Love,

Tyrone Dixon works as a Certified Professional Coach in the Syracuse Community through his business ArozeThrough Concrete Coaching. He was born and raised on the South and West Sides of Syracuse. He has a Bachelor’s Degree in Business Administration from SUNY Buffalo. It is his pleasure to be a “writing contributor” for CNY Latino, and write about the topic of Emotional Intelligence (EI). He loves the City of Syracuse and believes that exposure to Emotional Intelligence can help change the direction of the individuals living in some of our “high poverty” areas. Can you imagine how much better our city would be if people were taught how to manage their feelings without hurting someone? Or if we could teach people to be proactive in identifying situations they are not comfortable in?.

Insurmountable wall

A Moment Of Reflection
by Lilia M. Fiallo

The holiday afternoons of my father’s hand kept me delighted watching the fish and the pure and crystal clear water that ran through the stream that passed by my grandparents farm, everything is in memory as if it were yesterday, like his love, his nobility and the nights when we fell asleep on the sofa listening to the beautiful stories that my mother or he read to us and ended saying: “they were happy and ate partridges”.

So many memories of my childhood will last forever: “says Martha” we never went to bed without eating, his teaching made us grow spiritually and although we went through difficult times, we went ahead and like all human beings, each of my parents had their characters, but, what do I know, if I did not live with them is childhood? I´m not to judge them. I built an insurmountable wall in my mind and when I want I bring to my memory all the beautiful things that we live as a family.

I on the other hand, says José I enjoyed very little the presence of my father. He died when I was ten years old and his absence marked my life to a large extent, but I got over it when I stop at the memories of the moments we share as a family; for being so small, I did not have the opportunities that my older brothers had, his death took us by surprise. My mom was static, and to top it off, her fragile character was for my brothers a constant stumble who took advantage of her weakness until her death. They did not have the capacity to understand her, to love her and to value her. She was tried, sentenced and punished without reason. We all knew that her childhood who harder than my uncle’s, among other things, because my grandmother did not love her. My mother was tall, a golden spike, her beauty and elegance as well as her pure white soul made her unique. “I also took advantage of her love for being the youngest, how much I regret it, but, for what? Exclaims José. Why do we judge without having the right? Only God knows how much she suffered”.

For my brothers and for me, “say Juan”, we had a childhood with all the comforts; now that I am a father I still remember his faults, because parents are still parents and although their children are adults they did not ask to come to his world.

Why do not, you build starting today, (says Bob, the group’s panelist) an insurmountable wall, as Martha says? So that the past does not torment you, because you did not know, nor lived the childhood of your parents, it is a matter of reasoning and analyzing, he says. Juan was thinking, maybe reflecting, he accepted the truth and he did not say anything else.

My sister and I do not recognized what my father faced with his divorce and the task of obtaining parental authority for Kelly and me, we always enjoy his love, his affection and his tenderness, “Julia says”. He married again a good woman and I have two more sisters for that reason. Everything I’ve had in the life an maybe that’s the reason why I valued late my father’s unconditional love, who is no longer, nor will he be the same with me for the damage I did to him. I would like to reunite the family.

Luisa says vehemently: “Kelly judges my father because according to her she is right in everything she says when she remembers the past”. What she is interested in is pretending, social position and money, far from helping him economically or calling him on the phone, much less to visit him.

Eugenia uses her strategy to cover her perfection. Since she got married, we all became simply acquaintances or friends of the occasion. When she invites us to her house, she serves us in the living room, or long before our arrival she calls us to have coffee nearby. In her soul there is resentment, she does not talk to my father, while materially she seems the best. She likes everything brand and every year she changes all the lingerie in her house, say Luisa.

Kelly says, if someone delves in to the heart of each one, the only one who is really attentive to my father since he was widowed, is Luisa, although she judges him mercilessly, humiliates him and how many time she can, she brings to his memory silly mistakes of past, well, me too.

Julia, Kelly, Eugenia and Luisa, are sisters, married, have children, and financially established. They just do not know God, they do not know how to performance their role and they are the other group participants, who have spoken interrupting the conference since it began three hours ago and I think it ends at any time. Without the rest being able to participate, say Jose.

When there were ten minutes left until 5 o’clock Bob spoke harshly and here is a part of the end: “I have not met with infants, I think we are all adults enough to be here. I watched in amazement at the immaturity of some and the poise of other. I am surprised that many of you ignore honoring father and mother, one of the commandments of the law of God. Who are we to judge our parents?

What can we give our children if we do not know how to value our parents and what God has given us? I still do not believe the rawness and coldness with which some people area able to treat their parents. There is so much arrogance and human poverty in their hearts. Ask God to give you humility and simplicity to move forward, because many of you do not know how to love nor value the effort of your parents to give you the best. Do not expect good fruits from children, even more if you please them in everything and do not watch their steps.

I want an impassable wall made with love, humility and simplicity in their hearts. I want that from this moment on you leave behind the past and start to build the insurmountable wall that you need. The past is gone, the future is uncertain and what counts is the present. Let’s worry about ourselves and to solve our weaknesses so that our children tomorrow do not disrespect us, educate ourselves and educate them. “Let’s do the chore well”.

Thus ended an endless afternoon, says Jose when leaving

Lilia M. Fiallo was born in Bogotá, Colombia, where, between tasks and free time, she found a place to write about subjects, somehow forgotten by others. With gold letters engraved in her memory, she began her working life, in the heart of the technical part, of the air traffic control of her native country. In the midst of aeronautical phraseology and codes, the world of aviation gave her one of the highest experiences, because of the precision required by this craft, where a single mistake could cost many lives. It is there, where in her concern to communicate her ideas, she begins to write with dedication, themes a little relegated by society, the Church and the State. Discovering a truth that nobody wants to talk about, but much more real and everyday, than it seems. It is thus, as it appears, her first work, “Parir por palir”.
You can find her book at www.laovejitabooks.com/autora-lilia-m-fiallo/

Emotional Intelligence

Use Emotional Intelligence to Establish Boundaries in Your Relationships
by Tyrone Dixon
Copyright © November 2017 All rights reserved.

Boundaries reflect how we love ourselves and what we value. Knowing when you want to say yes to something, when you want to say no to someone, self-respect, and knowing when your own needs start and end are the basics of setting boundaries in our relationships. Most us have trouble with establishing boundaries in our relationships because it is not something we discuss in our society as often as we should. When was the last time you sat down with someone who you are in a relationship with and set boundaries? Recently I spoke with a married couple and the woman explained that there are times where she is not in the mood for sexual intercourse with her spouse, but since he is her husband she feels obligated to please him. That is a perfect example of not having established healthy boundaries in a relationship.

While I agree with the fact that a wife should look to please her husband, and vice versa, when pleasing someone comes at the expense of your very own agony it is not worth it. Because we are not having conversations that center around boundaries and self-love we put ourselves in positions where we compromise our boundaries to please others. In most cases our boundaries are at extremes, either we are hyper vigilant about our needs and wants to the point we are not taking other people’s needs into consideration or we are dormant about our own needs and wants, allowing other’s to assert themselves while we “go along with it.”

Examples of someone with hyper-vigilant boundaries in a relationship would be the man/woman who knows that no matter how many times their significant other says “if you continue to do… I am going to leave/break up with/file for divorce”; they know that person is not going to follow through on those words with action. Another example of a person with hyper-vigilant boundaries would be that person who is always “my way or the highway” uncompromising, and uninterested in trying to do things anyone else’s way. Dormant boundaries in a relationship could be nonexistent, shaky, and/or inconsistent. The individual with dormant boundaries has usually experienced a history of disappointment in his/her relationships, struggles with establishing connections, has trust issues, and is in a relationship for FEAR of being alone.

I invite you, the reader to start setting boundaries in your relationships going forward. If you struggle with setting boundaries in your relationships and are constantly feeling taken advantage of, start by spending time getting to know yourself. What do you like? What don’t you like? What are you willing to tolerate? Where do you draw the line?

Peace and love

Tyrone Dixon works as a Certified Professional Coach in the Syracuse Community through his business ArozeThrough Concrete Coaching. He was born and raised on the South and West Sides of Syracuse. He has a Bachelor’s Degree in Business Administration from SUNY Buffalo. It is his pleasure to be a “writing contributor” for CNY Latino, and write about the topic of Emotional Intelligence (EI). He loves the City of Syracuse and believes that exposure to Emotional Intelligence can help change the direction of the individuals living in some of our “high poverty” areas. Can you imagine how much better our city would be if people were taught how to manage their feelings without hurting someone? Or if we could teach people to be proactive in identifying situations they are not comfortable in?.

“I am thy shield”

by Noris C. Davis

Impacting Your Life Positively with God’s Truths

“After these things the word of the Lord came to Abram in a vision, saying, Fear not, I am thy shield, and thy reward shall be great.” Genesis 15:1.

God explains to Abram why he should not fear: “I am your shield”, something like: “even if you do not have armies like them, I am your army” or “even if you do not have a crown like them, I am your crown and power”.

The word shield here, comes from a Hebrew term that also translates: defense, protection, weapon. This was God for Abram (and also for us, for he is also our God and he does not change).

Dear Reader. God knows that as humans we will be afraid many times. What God wants is that when fear comes, let us trust Him and not depend on our own strength. Fear paralyzes us and does not allow us to react as we should or make wise choices. We can not let our emotions dominate us. We must remember that our God is greater and more powerful than any situation, pray and keep walking, confident that God has control of any situation.

In the verse 18 “God makes a covenant with Abram, saying, ‘I will give this land to your offspring,’ and we can conclude then that the blessings, rewards, and rewards the Lord sends are not only for us but also for our offspring.

Final reflection: God is our shield, our strength, therefore we must discard the fear, because God is aware of everything, remember that one of His names is “Jehovah of hosts.” Let us continue on the path of His purpose, without fainting, he has promised to bless. Go forward, those who advance are those who reach the goal.

Many blessings to you and your family.

Believe in His promises

Impacting Your Life Positively with God’s Truths 

Greetings and blessings in this new year. As humans we have countless fears, panics, phobias, both simple problems and situations, as well as very complex ones. Depending on the situations and circumstances that have happened or are happening. Generally when we feel fear we resort to therapies, which sometimes help us, but that demand a lot of time. Other times they help us temporarily.

There are situations of our childhood that leave us marks, and if we do not work with our inner being these can stay in our mind and not allow us to live a victorious and abundant life, as planned by our

Creator. When we least expect it, suddenly the fear appears and takes us by surprise. That explains why many of us miss wonderful opportunities in life. God gives us the victory with his power, his love, and the gift of self-control. If you have received Jesus into your heart and truly believe that He can become besides your Lord and Savior, your personal bodyguard, nothing will happen to you, you just have to believe in His promises. 

That is the real alternative, authentic and that transforms our life casting out all fear. God gives us the victory with his power, his love and gives us the self-control. No matter what the circumstances, or when you go to bed at night, do not be afraid, just surrender to God and put yourself in his hands.

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Waiting in God’s time

Impact Your Life Positively with God’s truths

How difficult it is to wait for God’s time! Especially when we think that already, nothing is going to change. When we start to see things begin to look as impossible. When we are under pressure, when we are in the emergency room, when we are in need. We begin to despair and the whole picture is bleak. Anxiety begins to devour us. If we do not achieve our goal in time the enemy takes his chance and works on our discouragement until we reach the depression. 

Dear friend, remember that God is our Creator and has unlimited power. And God knows better than we do what is good for us. God asks us to have faith in Him and to rest in Him. We must take time to pray and to study the Word of God. We must congregate in a church that is guided by the Bible. As we devote time to God, He works with our situations. I invite you to try it. 

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There is hope after death

Positively Impacting Your Life with God’s Truths-October 2016

Greetings and blessings. In these times we see too many tragedies in the news around the world. These tragedies cause pain to loved ones, especially when someone dies. God loves us and He understands our pain. We are on earth temporarily. God tells us in the Bible that we must not lose hope for the death of a loved one because if we have surrendered our lives to Him, we will have eternal life after death.

Watch the story of Lazarus. Marta recognizes that her brother would rise again but not at that time. She had the blessing that Jesus raised him at that time. But she knew that at some point her brother would rise again. Then read part of the story so you can understand.

John 11: 23-26 Jesus said, “Your brother will rise again”. Martha said, “I know he will rise in the resurrection on the last day”. Jesus said, “I am the resurrection and the life. He that believeth in me, though he die, will live, and whoever lives and believes in me will never die. Do you believe this?

Jesus told Martha that He is the resurrection and the life. That same hope is for us too. For everyone who has given his heart and life to God. That is a shocking news.

God knows we miss our loved ones when they die, but while we are on this earth He has promised us to strengthen and heal our hearts… Psalm 147:3 He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds. If you have not accepted Jesus into your heart, I invite you to do and you should start to visit a church that is guided by the Bible. From that moment you will starting to know many promises God has for His children. Until next time and the peace of God be with you and your family.